Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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