Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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