He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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