The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
