So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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