I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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