My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
