What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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