She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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