you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
