I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
