If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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