I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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