So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
