If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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