she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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