He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
