it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
