I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
