guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
