That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
