Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize