The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
