Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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