We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
