i just had sex bonerless
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
