I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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