i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
