Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
