He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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