Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
