Where did you get a picture of my penis
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
