im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
