My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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