Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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