just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
