so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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