they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
