Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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