need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
