So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize