You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
