she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
