Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
