My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
