remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
