worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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