Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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