no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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