I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
