If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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