this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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