On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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