I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
