never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
