He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
50% drunk capacity currently
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
