is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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