Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
God I need to hump something, right now.
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