No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
