She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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