the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
