waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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