there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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