Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
