You were right. It hurts to walk today.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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