I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
