Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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