we have officially lost it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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