I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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