Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
