last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She's the barista slut.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
